Be Wary of the Trees
by Thomasina
Summary: Just a bit of silliness. Jack is given a lesson about obeying signs.


Be Wary of the Trees

By Thomasina

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters do not belong to me.

As the wormhole shut down behind them, the quartet observed their surroundings. There was a large grove of cherry trees to the right of the stargate with a sign in front of it that proclaimed in large, bold letters: "Danger." To the left of the stargate, there was an empty field and a sign that read, "Safety."

"So, which way should we go?" asked Daniel flippantly.

"I say we go right," replied Jack as he headed that way.

Teal'c and Sam reluctantly followed.

"What?" asked Daniel, shocked.

Jack rolled his eyes and paused to glance back at Daniel. "You're just going to blindly believe the signs? What if the danger sign is just to keep people away from the cool stuff that they're hiding?"

"It could also be there to warn visitors of the danger that lies ahead," said Teal'c.

"Et tu, Teal'c? Carter? What's your opinion?"

"A danger sign usually does indicate danger, sir."

"Okay, so you're all against me, but I'm in command and I say we check out the danger side. The only thing I see is trees, lots and lots of trees. Still, that way looks more interesting than the empty field."

"You don't know what is just out of sight in either direction. There could be a village on the safety side and a minefield on the danger side," objected Daniel.

"Well, we'll never know until we check it out, now will we? We can always retreat to the safety side at the first sign of danger."

Jack continued forward once more and Sam and Teal'c followed, their weapons at the ready. After a moment, Daniel, with a final glance at the friendly sign, also followed. They had barely gone a few feet past the danger sign when the trees started pelting their cherries at the team. They attempted to retreat, but they were bombarded on all sides by the bright red berries and couldn't see the way back. Teal'c activated his staff weapon and aimed at the nearest tree.

"Teal'c, no!" yelled Jack, too late.

The tree next to Jack burst into flames as the staff blast hit it and a stray flame fell on Jack's jacket.

"Little help here!" exclaimed Jack as he attempted to swat the flame.

Before anyone could move to help him, a small brown dog appeared seemingly out of nowhere and lifted his leg. Jack had a brief moment to wonder what the dog was up to before he found himself covered in pee. The dog somehow managed to pee straight up and extinguish the flames on both Jack and the tree.

"What the hell?" asked Jack as the dog began to bark at them.

"I believe that the creature desires us to head towards safety," stated Teal'c.

"We should go before the trees begin throwing cherries at us again, sir. They seem to be afraid of the dog, but we don't know how long that will last," said Sam.

Jack looked around surprised that he hadn't noticed the sudden end to the deluge of cherries. "No argument here."

SG-1 ran back towards the stargate and stopped just short of the safety sign.

"I repeat my previous question: what the hell? Where did that dog come from? How was it able to pee like that? And why were those trees trying to cherry us?"

"Cherry us?" queried Teal'c as he raised an eyebrow.

"I think Jack is substituting cherry for stone. An archaic form of punishment on Earth was to be stoned to death," answered Daniel.

"The only question I can answer is how the dog was able to pee straight up like that. The gravity here seems to be different than that of Earth. I noticed it as we walked through the gate," said Sam.

"Yeah, I thought I felt a bit lighter. I just thought I lost a few pounds in the gate."

"You're not serious, are you, sir?"

"What do you think, Carter? By the way, don't think I don't notice the way you're all edging away from me."

Daniel, Sam, and Teal'c had managed to gain a full foot of distance away from Jack.

"No offense, sir, but you kind of smell."

"Yeah, well I was just peed on. Teal'c word of advice: don't shoot trees with energy weapons, they tend to catch fire."

"I will endeavor to remember that the next time that we are attacked by trees, O'Neill," said Teal'c.

"Okay, kids. Time to head back."

"What about the safety side?" asked Daniel.

Jack sighed. "Fine, but there better be a village beyond that field and they better have showers."

They'd only gone a few feet past the safety sign when a village materialized. A small group of amused villagers stood before the cherry covered team.

"Uh, hi," said Daniel once he'd recovered from the shock of seeing them appear. "I'm Daniel Jackson, this is Teal'c, Major Carter, and Colonel O'Neill. We're peaceful explorers from the planet Earth."

One villager held up a hand to quiet Daniel. Daniel fell silent and they all looked expectantly at the villager.

"I am Abasi, the leader of this village. We welcome visitors and the chance for trade."

"That's great…" began Daniel.

Abasi held up a hand to silence him once more. "We welcome the chance to trade with visitors who prove that they have the intelligence to use our technology wisely."

"Doesn't it show courage to go the other way?" asked Jack, hopefully.

"We are not interested in courage, only wisdom. I'm afraid I have to ask you to depart."

"Please, don't judge us by one erroneous decision," pleaded Daniel. "We really are generally smarter than that."

"I'm afraid my decision stands. Perhaps one day you can return and prove your worth."

The brown dog wandered into the village and sat before Abasi. Abasi pulled a small object out of his pocket and placed it in the dog's mouth.

"Well done, Adofo. Now escort the visitors back to the chappai."

The dog gave a short bark and headed back towards the stargate. After going a few feet he turned and barked at SG-1.

"I guess we better go," said Jack.

The dog led them back to the stargate then trotted back to the small brown dwelling that they had hitherto missed and lay down inside it.

"Daniel, dial the gate."

Daniel did as ordered and entered his GDO as the wormhole engaged.

"Maybe this will teach you a lesson about obeying signs," said Daniel as they headed up the ramp.

"Maybe, but I doubt it," answered Jack. "The only lesson I learned is to be wary of the trees."


End file.
